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I am just a guy who uses fishing and playing guitar to keep myself sane...or at least try to.

Monday, November 21, 2011

The Blues...

Yesterday I was part of a group of people that gathered to say goodbye to someone that we all cared about...
..and it was very sad.

I don't keep it together very well when it comes to death or any of those types of things and I was a mess during and after.

Peg and Don chose not have a visitation or funeral but a celebration of life was held at the Union Hall in town.
There was a huge turn out.
I was surprised ...but I shouldn't have been.
They are both good people that have touched the lives of many...especially Peg.
I don't know of anybody that could say a bad word about her. She was a consistently good person that I just sort of took for granted all the years I knew her.

Her death was just shitty...and sometimes life is just shitty...just absolutely shit.

The devotion she and Don had for one another was an inspiration for me...and still is.

I handled the whole illness and death poorly...shameful really.

They were both very good to me and the fact that I am an awkward POS is a piss poor excuse for my behavior...

I will try harder in the coming months...

I think that is when Don will need it.

So afterwards...bummed out, I returned home to the kids.

Avery and I went outside and raked leaves for bit... well I raked and she jumped in them.
That seemed to help...fresh air always does and there is something about this time of year.
She is such a sweet little thing.
She is running temperature but you'd never know it...very tough that little one.

Being with the kids helped....circle of life and all that.

Takes a lot out of you though.

Kim gets home tonight late.


lambton said...

Like yourself life in it's entirety is shit highlighted with a few brief moments of greatness.
Cherish the great moments and sieze any and all opportunity. Love your family and treat others as you would expect to be treated. Those that don't abide by that code aren't worthy of acknowledgement. I am sorry to hear about your loss. There is no justice in this world. There is no certainty. Live for now with mild consideration for the future. It would certainly be a shame chasing a dream, bypassing the present, and dying in the process.
There you go...sorry to get heavy on ya...now f*ckoff and lets go fishing next week.
And one more thing...when you get down remember...It could be worse...We could live in the desert

T. Brook Smith said...

This stuff is going to get more and more frequent as we get older. One of my favorite people from my youth died this weekend and I'm watching some people very close to me deal with illnesses they can't possibly survive.

I think it's a pretty good sign that we're healthy and in the right frame of mind when it pisses us off and we're able to feel the regret. Your post has encouraged me to try to reach out to people while I still can. Thanks for that.

Good luck with your friend Don in the days to come. Maybe he'd enjoy a little steelhead fishing?

Trotsky said...

This stage of life has snuck up on me and I am trying to deal with it the best that I can...
I can see how it would send some right over the edge.
If I was a little less happy I could see splitting from the whole program and going to live in the woods but my family keeps me grounded.
I have been hugging the kids a little harder lately.
As far as my friend goes...it is awkward.
We were very close 20 + years ago..but now??
He has built all the guitars that I have owned over the time since I first met him and I think maybe that it is time to lay another project on him...as soon as he is ready. The hope is that he'll benefit from something like that.
That is our connection and I hope that it will serve its purpose for both of us.
There is no going back though...that is the toughest thing to get a grip on.
Savour the moments ..whether they are days on the river..holidays ,tender moments with family or jam sessions...
Savour that shit.
For me the real trick is developing a balance between recognizing the ephemerality of life and valuing each moment vs becoming morbidly obsessed what can sometimes feel like the futility of everything...
I wish I had Jesus but I don't...and I don't mean for that to sound flippant. I really envy those people.
..The closest I get is on the river..

Computer Geek said...

Man, it feels good to read your blog again. I dealt with something very similar a little more than a year ago. Life is a funny and sometimes fickle. You may be the only person who understands the awkwardness I present to others on a daily basis. Unfortunately, its almost debilitating and on more than one occasion has caused me to drift from those close. Its sad and disgraceful that it took a funeral to bring me back.

Trotsky said...

Its a common theme man..don't beat yourself up.
Lets get together more often.
Good to see you guys again.
Now back to the porn.